Putt-Putt (miniature golf)

When was the last time you went to a local Putt-Putt place? Typically, these places look slightly run down, and have some sort of catchy sign to lure in young, unsuspecting youth. Most of the time, the parents give in to their young (or old) childrens' desires and pull into these tiny golfing paradises. Not to mention there is a possibility of being a huge arcade inside the building. Once inside, the parents fork out around $5 per person for 18 holes of miniature golf. Let me put that into perspective for you. At a cheap, but decent golf course, you can play 9 holes for about $10. But it is for the kids folks, it's for the kids!! This, of course, does not include the ~$15 spent on tokens for games that tend to spit out only 7 or 8 tickets... Good for one small, slightly aged laffy taffy. Anyway, these places aren't just for kids. Teenagers, young adults, middle-aged people, and even Grandma and Grandpa tag along sometimes (although usually retirement villages have a free miniature golf course with no slopes). When on the course, one may notice a few different types of golfers. There is the "excuses" person. This person has never gotten a hole-in-one, and never will. But that is only because the ball's path was interrupted by a piece of grass, a leaf, a sinkhole under the fake grass, or the foot of their rival golfer. "That was going in!" "Stupid rock, I would have made that shot!" These are just two of the common phrases you will hear this person make. Another type is the "take your time" person. For these professionals (who are usually terrible) it is absolutely necessary to take two, three, or even four practice swings before each putt. They will take a step back before a six inch putt and try to look for a slope. If you find yourself in a situation where you are golfing with one or more of this type of golfer, you should prepare accordingly. First, you will need water, lots of water. Chances are it will be hot outside, and you may be out there for a few hours. Another thing that is a must is a cell phone. During their pre-shot routine, it will be advantageous if you were able to text someone (this includes texting the person who is taking their practice swings. If they receive a text mid-stroke they will get very upset. And it will be hilarious). The final necessity for golfing with a "take your time" golfer, is being patient. Face it, they aren't going to change how they play, so you're going to have to deal with it. A third type of mini-golfer is the "just plain terrible" one. These types are pretty common, and you can spot them from miles away. One, two, three, four. Five, six, seven, eight. They finally got a tee shot to not roll back down to the box. Ok, maybe that is a small exaggeration, but getting an eight on a hole is not uncommon. Make sure you NEVER take these types of people with you when you go real golfing. The final type that I have noticed is, simply put, the "cheater." How do they win? They have the scorecard. One less stroke for them, one more stroke for you. If their ball is resting against the boundary wall, they will take an entire club-length distance and then hit (the rule is almost always the length of the putter head). Three feet from the hole? "That's a gimme." Five feet from the hole? "That's a gimme." Ten feet from the hole? "That's a gimme." The key for keeping track of this nonsense is to always be watching. Never turn your back, because that's all this type needs to fool you. Keep track of their shots in your head. The hardest part is calling them out. Chances are, they won't admit it, so prepare to lose. Before you take some time out of your day off to go miniature golfing, remember what you are getting yourself into. And then go out there and have a grand old time. Big, small, it's not for something, yet half for nothing. Peace